Clicky McClickerson

I’ve been working on recording an audiobook version of Love and the Dark. Holy crap that book had some editing issues. I do have someone edit for me but I have a tendency to monkey around with the book once I get it back, so you know, my inability to leave things alone is one hundred percent of the problem. The issues will be fixed shortly.

Anyway, recording the audiobook has been an interesting experience so far. I had to figure out which software to use and then how to use it. I now know things about sound that I didn’t know before. I also learned that once I get past the weirdness of hearing a recording of myself, my voice is actually kind of soothing.

The worst issue I’ve had is my mouth drying out. After about 10 minutes of recording, my mouth gets dry and starts making these little click sounds that are undesirable in the audiobook world. Not only do they sound bad, they distract me. In fact, the whole dry mouth thing is so aggravating that more often than not, I end up quitting for the evening before I intended to.

And the audiobook I’m recording has an estimated finished recording time of 7 hours. It’s a lot more than 7 hours of labor once you factor in all the retakes and editing, etc. At this rate, I’m gonna be fifty years old by the time I finish.

I looked up the clicking (mouth noise) and apparently, this is a common audio recording problem. I’ve seen the following suggested solutions.

  1. Get a better microphone to filter it out. That’s fine and dandy but if the mouth noise is distracting me as I’m reading, then the fanciest microphone in the world isn’t going to help.
  1. Water – This was the first thing I tried. Do you know what water does? It rinses the saliva out of your mouth. I drink so much water as it is that it’s probably causing the problem in the first place.
  1. Vaseline – ew
  1. Lemon – Wouldn’t this be drying?
  1. Talking while holding a pencil in your teeth – What?
  1. Get someone else (a professional someone else) to record it – Like I’d give up that easily. Do you even know me, bro? The clicks aren’t stopping me, not yet, anyway.

I did try keeping a glass of milk next to me. That helped a little, but it definitely wasn’t a cure. It was skim milk, though, so maybe milk with fat in it would do a better job.

This evening, I bought some mouth moisturizing gel. Sounds pretty gross, right? It’s clear and sort of minty-ish, not as minty as toothpaste. I’ll give that a go later. I also considered coconut oil. I may still try that if the gel doesn’t work.

Oh, the glamorous life I live! 
Here’s a picture of Bleuberry (aka Bleu, aka Mr. Baby, aka Jerkface).

bleu

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